When I hated ...

At my grand parent’s house when we all gather at one place time just stalls, laughs cry for a break, all sort of discussions – my grand mother always tells me how I cried when I was born non stop till my mom took me in her arms – times when I fell from the top of the stairs – my mischievous deeds – throwing whatever I see into the well - eating whatever I hold – times of my tryst at stealing the mangoes in the backyard acts of lord Krishna she adds proudly with a twinkle in her eyes - gone are those days I said to myself picking up the Hindu dated 18th Apr 2007. Pause…

No point in wearing the perception I was wearing I thought. If you see what I see, would go through the same … TRUTH …
The mankind’s greatest fear is TO COME FACE TO FACE WITH THE TRUTH. Every human being fears it. Indeed our greatest responsibility lies in hiding it from us. You know what, every time I ask myself what is it that makes you the happiest person on earth? I don’t even have to finish - comes the reply - How best one can stay devoid of the day-to-day happenings makes him/her that happier a person. After all who would like to put their naked bones to the display? I really don’t know how many of you reading this felt like that or gave it a thought, what’s the big deal, but how many would make their hands count is what makes the difference?

If words can change the world, for that matter a person, I would not be doing what you were reading.
That very moment I hated that I was merely trying to blame what ever I come across rather than finding the real cause. Or was I doing it intentionally? If so why? Don’t know? So is there a solution? Don’t know?
Have to change the world on the whole -> to do that have to start it with myself. Cracked the first clue in the truth-hunt then what …? … Was on from dusk till dawn … finally…

Desperate measures for desperate times.
Only one – make the reference point to itself – an infinite loop – think that you are the whole world – simple – isn’t it? Or appears so? Then the solution would be …. What …. Suicide – yes, kill yourself - what better way than that is there to redeem you from everything – erase yourself so that the world would never come to know that you even existed.
Then the options kept pouring like politician’s unstoppable, never-materialize, promises during an election campaign. Ctrl+c / Ctrl+v in progress …

Was too soft with myself I thought …
Then …

Sensing the lip-tongue intercourse for saliva grabbed my glass n ran into the kitchen. Never came back. No need to go to the room where I was I thought.

As I closed my eyes for the last but first time – mark my words carefully – a beautiful slideshow of the best I have had so far flashed inversely on the inside of my eyelid. Then I saw myself controllable off the senses for the first time ever. Free from everything.

Next thing…


There are people around me enquiring my well being, discussing, staring, scolding, peeping, laughing – all kinds; short, medium, large – all sizes; greenish black, greenish dark, greenish black brown mix, greenish dark black – all but me in greenish blue. Those scenes brought dimple on my left cheek – recalled those stupid film makers who portrayed devatas fair, supremely gorgeous, clad with jewellery. As I was grinning I could sense something was wrong but could not sell till my heart by beating at 80>/ min and lungs pounding hinted that I was suffocating. Then felt future-fashock work on my nerves in the heavens as I saw shorts, goggles, skin tights and minis.

That’s when I hated my dayone@swimming.